it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
