really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
