what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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