Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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