I got chris browned last night
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
