How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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