Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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