I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
