Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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