I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
