I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I didn't notice because vodka
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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