***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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