dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
