Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
