I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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