To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
