We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
