Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
