I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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