On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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