A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I want her autograph on my taint
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
