Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I will pee on everything he values.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Randomize
