also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
where am i from again
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
