My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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