I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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