just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
