The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
