Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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