Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I think I just sharted jello shots
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
