Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
