FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
