new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
