we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
