Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
