I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
