im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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