Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
