I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
