I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
