i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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