I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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