just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
