Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
