Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
