i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
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