I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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