If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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