we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
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