do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
