I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Two words: blizzard sex
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
