i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
