This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
