Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
