He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
