THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
