my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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