just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
