Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize