Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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