I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
