I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
