Just fell off a train. Bad.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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