bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
