The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
